Happiness

Story: A massive [expletive] tried to run me over with her bus on Friday.

If you had asked me on Friday night at 19:30 ‘Chloe, when was the last time you cried’, as I consoled my trauma with fish and chips, I would have said in a sad, shuddery whisper, ‘an hour ago’.

There I stood, crying with that full-on watery mascara smudge pouring down my neck with that can’t breathe hyperventilation (really tired) kind of crying, on Victoria Street West just off Auckland’s busiest street at peak Friday commuter hour.

With my grey scarf covering as much of my smudged blotchy red face as possible, I heard the voice of an Auckland Transport worker pick up the phone. [In so many words] “Hello, my names Dave, how can I help you?”

[Bursts into tears] “I, I, I am just so tired. I didn’t mean to cry. Some nasty woman just tried to run me over with her bus. On purpose.”

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From across the street, the man in his black Audi watching this ordeal might have seen the contented face of a 27 year old who had just pondered a book shop at 6pm on a dark and cosy wintery Auckland night after a busy week, and was looking forward to a Friday night in with her man and Graham Norton.

There she stood, the 27 year old he might have seen, waiting for the 221 at the bus stop in a blue and white striped top covered with a cosy camel coloured coat, staring at the heavy traffic with an air of calmness around her.

The 221 pulled over to let people on before it’s usual stop due to the heavy traffic, so people were running up the hill to get to the made up bus stop. The small crowd of 6 jogged up the hill to get on the bus, and as this young girl, with her arm out and AT Hop Card in hand, rucksack flapping all over the place, got to doors, this bitch troll from hell closed the doors. In. Her. Face.

So she knocked once, smiling to the troll, thinking ‘well, I know she saw me?’ [this is when you might have seen the air of calmness trickle off in place of an air of WTF].

Knock…KnoCK…KnOCK…KNOCK…KNOCK she knocked, but the troll seemed not to hear. As the bus had not moved from where the other passengers had been let on, the man in the black Audi could see this young girl in her camel coloured coat smiling, pleading, for the troll to open the doors. Maybe she’s deaf, she thought?

To no avail, the should-have-been-passenger in her camel coloured coat stepped into the road, in front of the bus, and could now be seen waving at the troll while being swallowed up by the enormity of the buses wind screen. She needed to find out that the troll was not blind as well as deaf, because that would make for an unsuitable bus driver, and because if she was neither deaf nor blind it just meant this troll was a massive [expletive – use any word you like].

Shockingly, this troll driver didn’t seem able to see out of the periphery of her eye line either! This woman should NOT be driving a bus, she thought. Danger! So, to be sure, the young wanna-be-passenger stood directly in front of the driver, in the road [albeit just off the curb as the troll was yet to actually pull away from the stop due to the gridlocked traffic] and asked “can you let me on the bus please?” to which the troll hooted her horn for a good 15 seconds so that the whole of Queen Street could hear, and watch.

The troll, it appears, was neither deaf or blind! She was pretending. She could see the young girl, because if she couldn’t she wouldn’t have hooted her horn and asked her to get out of the way. She has turned out to simply be a gigantic obstruction to civilisation.

The troll then took her foot off of the brake, put her foot on the accelerator, and drove the bus towards the young girl at a forceful speed, who had all of a second to decide whether it was fight or flight. As 14 tonnes of massiveness ploughed towards her shuddering to a stop a mere foot away from her face, she decided not to move, or flinch. That was either fight, or a really slow, tired reaction to realising that someone so evil would try and run a human over with her bus…

‘GET OUT OF THE WAY’ bitch troll shouted.

[Turns to look at all of her 7 passengers]

‘ARE YOU SEEING THIS?’

‘Would you please let me on the bus?’

‘MOVE’

[With a finger pointed at her temple, the 27 year old spun her finger around and around looking into the trolls eyes]

‘You’re a crazy ass hole,’ the young woman said to the old troll and stepped aside to watch as the troll still couldn’t move her bus due to the gridlocked traffic. As the troll managed to slither into the gap in the traffic, with red flames firing out of her ass and her head spinning, the young girl went on to have a tired [bitch troll] induced panic attack on Queen Street after experiencing the day the devil reincarnated as an old hag tried to plough her bus into me.

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One thought on “Story: A massive [expletive] tried to run me over with her bus on Friday.

  1. It’s wrong to generalise but bus drivers the world over are generally numpties who shouldn’t be allowed to drive a vehicle of any size. The ones in Auckland seem to think they are in a race so heaven knows how they are assessed. The only thing I can suggest to restore your faith in such folks is to go to Rarotonga and travel by bus there.

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