Feminist

Mores des Pubes – #DeathOfThePube Part II

Here I am after my first bikini wax just minding my own business when BOOM I realise that it’s all grown back with a vengeance as if by magic over night 4 weeks later. At this point, looking down, I came to understand that I was now trapped in a catch-22 of bush waxing; shaving no longer made the cut.

Here’s how it works – they wax it off, it grows back double the volume and ground mass in all it’s new root glory as if returning healthier from it’s harvest, forcing you to return to the parlour with your $48 in hand. If you don’t, well, there’s no razor fast and subtle enough to keep up with that kind of Amazonian forest growing speed.

That’s right – it’s gone up to $48. Rather than the tight-ass $28 that I paid last time, which left me with a wonky strip, I decided to go premium thinking it would be better (and it was drastically better to be honest. Less torture, no wonky strip, lovely music, and tea-tree to takeaway).

It is no longer an option to #BringBackTheBush, because it’s no longer about the bush, but rather about the jungle. No one wants to see #BringBackTheJungle – not even the hairiest of feminists who won’t shave because it’s a prescription of female beauty defined by the patriarchy. It could get out of control.

I stupidly succumbed to the anti-shaving hysteria and wanted to be like my glamourous friends who said, “sorry, I can’t come for a drink after work, I’m going for a wax”. Oh how glamorous they are, I thought, in my easily influenced 27 year old state. They’re having a wax because they care enough to actually pay someone to smear hot wax around their garden only to rip it off with such force that all this ‘glamour’ amounts to an undignified “fucckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkking ow” while the beauty therapist laughs. This is when I learnt that getting your bush waxed off does not = glamour. So let this be a lesson to myself – stop being a sheep.

So now what do I do? I would like that $48 to go on 12 cakes, or 4 bottles of wine, or 5 beers, or an evening of renting the latest films on iTunes with a bag of popcorn from Foursquare, but I’ve been prescribed a monthly visit and automatically booked in for May 10th. Forever more, I will hear the words, “so I’ll book you in for 4 weeks then?” – until the day that I apparently give birth and pubes are no longer at the forefront of the monthly to-do.

Imagine if everyone just let it grow, let it growwwwwwwwww, and shaving or waxing wasn’t an option it would be normal. It could even be fashionable. Until then, adios $48 and hola pain!

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8 thoughts on “Mores des Pubes – #DeathOfThePube Part II

    • Haha they sure do! I had my eye brows tinted out of intrigue too and I honestly looked like Frida for the week (who I love so I wasn’t too fussed)!

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      • Frida Kahlo? Now there is an interesting artist. Have you been to the Mexico restaurant in Auckland? It is full of art similar to the stuff she did.

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      • Sure have 🙂 It’s delicious there! I love Friday, I don’t paint anything else but Frida so my house looks like it has some sort of shrine dedicated to her through my child-like art work haha have you seen any of her work before?

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      • Yes, I had the fortune of being in Vancouver once when there was a free exhibition on at the gallery…and being a backpacker at the time; and therefore very interested in free attractions, I went along to be educated.

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      • At the time, I think I felt it interesting yet macabre…😄…but on reflection, yes, I guess it was lucky. I really love Caravaggio though…on same round the world trip I was in Canberra when there was a paid (!!) exhibition of Italian Masters within the wider gallery and I must’ve felt flush as I went along…first time in an art gallery in my life and I saw his Narcissus painting and was blown away. I guess all it takes with any art form is that initial spark to get you more interested in a wider world.

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