Mort Des Pubes: #BringBackTheBush

Saying it in French makes death of the pubes sound slightly more eloquent, doesn’t it? Let’s talk about the au un-naturel bikini wax.

Never in my comfortable 27 years of life have I experienced a pain quite like wax ripping from the follicles of your lady garden. Why are women doing it to themselves?!

Laying down like some sort of horizontal genie with the soles of my feet clasped firmly together, a beauty therapist gasped in horror with frightful eyes as I told her this was my first time. She went on to warn me of the pain, “but it will be worth it for when you come back next time, it won’t hurt so much”. It’s all good, I said, I’m quite robust. Love a new experience, I said.

Next time, HA! No. There will NOT be a next time.

As she ripped off what felt like one of my legs, I shouted holy fuck and tears started rolling down my eyes in front of a woman at the business end trying to contain her laughter. The masseuse in the room next door put her massage on pause and politely whispered through the door if everything was ok, and did I need a glass of water. I then had two therapists looking at me through the gauze of a paper thong watching as I finished my water, praising me for being oh so brave, and prepping me with kind words for when they tear off my other leg.

“Pull your tummy tight, like, stretch the fat upwards towards your chest it’ll hurt less,” she said. Hurt less. Massive LOL. After one more holy fuck, and a clear realisation that after all of these years thinking my pain threshold was high i’ve actually just never felt pain before, I sat up questioning my life decisions.

Traumatised, I paid and left and spent the rest of the day walking around like John Wayne.

In order for me to write about it, I had to experience it…obviously. I wanted to see why friends were shocked when I shared one’s methods and why they paid so much yearly for this tidy up. So, voila! I went through this painful debacle and now I can explain how the industry for this maintenance is exceptional and purely funded by women being emotionally manipulated into conforming to social norms.

If women such as Gwyneth Paltrow and Carrie Bradshaw weren’t bowing down to the Brazilian, or if adverts didn’t exist such as Wilkinson’s 1915 poster professing that under-arm hair is “unfeminine and unhygienic”, would we really be saying good riddance to body hair?

What if Wilkinsons and Bradshaw professed the love for a hairy-Mary and declared from the top of their fashionable lungs how it was a symbol of hygiene and prosperity? We would probably let them poke out loud and proud from the crevices of our bikini bottoms and vest tops showing the world how clean, fortunate, and well we are.

In Korea the attitude towards the pube is very much the opposite to us in the Western world. To have a full and fruitful bush for them is a sign of fertility and sexual health. So much so, Korean women are apparently paying near on $2000 (USD) to have pubic hair transplants. Gone are the days of a simple merkin.

But over in Western cultures, to grow your bodily hair is a sign of feminism – going against the patriarchy! Women who don’t adhere to the social expectation of trimming, tidying, and pruning, are outcasted for going against the norm often set by consumerism, porn, and subsequent social expectation.

It’s nothing new, either (which is a sorry sign for hopes that the bush can be trimmed as per personal preference and not for social norm). The Ancient Greeks, the Egyptians, and Renaissance Italians were either painted with a good old trim or no bush at all. The Ancient Greeks were so intent on being smooth down there they went to the extremes of either plucking out individual hairs until mass deforestation was complete, or start a bush fire, because “they thought pubic hair on women was uncivilised” (bustle.com). Queen Elizabeth I was not one for trimming the bush, but rather her eyebrows! So, low and behold, the women of the Elizabethan period were following fashionable suit and going eyebrow-less.

The bottom line is, throughout whatever era and period of time, the onus has always been placed on women to conform with the time’s norms on how hairy your garden is allowed to grow depending on what fashionable manipulation is out there at the time. American Apparel, in fairness, did try and bring the bush back in a 2014 campaign by shoving black mounds of hair down the underwear of their mannequin, but to no avail. This did not take off.

Pubes and other female bodily hairs that are not on your scalp have been declared uncivilised, unfeminine, and unhygienic (which is a load of bollocks, as apparently since the 2000s Gynaecologist Hugh Byrne in The Telegraph explained he has seen an increase in abysses and STIs transmitted through the trend of pube riddance), so it is no surprise women are paying into an industry that helps you fit in.

#BringBackTheBush

 

References

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/04/29/beauty-industry-women_n_5127078.html

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-health/11087771/Pubic-hair-8-things-you-need-to-know-before-you-shave.html

http://www.bustle.com

 

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3 thoughts on “Mort Des Pubes: #BringBackTheBush

  1. I believe women should do whatever they want with their bodies and for a long time I didn’t shave my armpits and I went out in a t-shirt etc but I still felt uncomfortable which I hated! I don’t care so why do I care if others look at me funny!? I truly hate that the shave culture has been hammered into women so much. If you shave or not, I think thats up to you.
    https://philippascholz.wordpress.com/

    Like

    1. Absolutely. I have just about managed to shave my legs and arm pits the last couple of months let alone anything else, and I seem to no longer care about the bush. I read your 50 things about me page – very interesting! X

      Liked by 1 person

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