Coldplay and the Herald Reporter

Chris Martin and his band performed their 70th show in Auckland last night, and the energy was so incredible that you could have mistaken it as their 1st show on this worldwide tour. A writer for the NZ Herald obviously failed to get tickets to the show, however, and took to the sorry art of defamation to overcome their disappointment. Remember boys and girls, for the insecure it is easier to feel hate to get over disappointment than pine for it. But for you the ‘reporter’ who missed out, you can just read about everyone’s wonderful experience to get an insight into how fabulous it was! Then maybe you could write something positive that ignites a similar sense of happiness to that felt at the concert? I know you weren’t there, so you wouldn’t know first hand, but it’s not like the information you included in your article was obtained first hand and I am sure if you have a mooch around the internet you’ll find many a positive review to base it on?

It all began when Coldplay touched down in Auckland town and the feelings of disappointment and pain in the reporter for not getting a ticket were obviously reignited. So they took to the powers of their pen and concocted some lies to publish in the NZ Herald.


Luckily, the people of New Zealand are smarter than this and there was a proud flow of sarcastic backlash, which was hilarious.


Oh we all know that feeling of anger that can arise when the person you’re targeting shrugs off your anger, because their life is actually too much fun to be caring about such trivialities…well, Mr/s Reporter took to their hate fuelled pen once more and reported on their own previous, ridiculous report accusing Chris Martin of scoffing at the “insane” restrictions he imposed. Dear reader, there was no scoffing. He said he would let us bring a camel in if it made us happy… but again, New Zealand reacted in a way that is a better reflection of the country than this report is with good banter and humour.

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It would be impossible, however, for the show to be tarnished by that report. Chris Martin made it look like he had the powers to turn on the lights as he rushed along the stage floor and the confetti burst along side him into the sky. Everyone’s arms were in the air as their wrist bands glowed and they danced to Coldplay’s brilliant music. With a few wines and a hotdog and the efficiency that is found at Mt Smart stadium to control the crowds it was a fun drama free night just as most Coldplay concerts are. As some might say, as I have been reading quite a few comments on the types of people who attend a Coldplay concert, this is to be expected because we’re all boring middle class white people.



5 thoughts on “Coldplay and the Herald Reporter

  1. Hahaha! NZ Herald and especially Stuff.co.nz are appalling “journalism”…half the time they can barely string a sentence together. I went to see Keith Urban in Wellington on the same night. A great show down there too…but I mention it because Auckland airport on Saturday was awash with people flying in and out to concerts…I am not sure that would happen anywhere else in the world. I also noticed they were advertising Seinfeld’s upcoming Auckland date in Wellington…makes you appreciate the size of NZ…in some ways large…in some ways not.


    • I do love New Zealand – I bet Keith Urban was amazing. They also had the ukulele festival up here with six60 and others and I just thought this country has so much to offer its just awash with great entertainment for its people!

      Liked by 1 person

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