Feminist

A United Stand Against Women Bitching 

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I am writing today to make a united stand against women complaining about each other. We are a force to be reckoned with so why don’t we all just unite in how brilliant we are by turning our nasty comments into compliments. From what I am hearing this is likely to be a fantasy rather than an attainable reality, but we must begin our journey together and unite in making each other feel brilliant rather than like competition.

I started a new role a couple of months ago in a man’s prison. The first thing that I said in our team meeting when asked what makes me shine was that as a woman who becomes a product of her environment do not complain to me, or surround me with your negativity. I told them to take their complaints to a more sympathetic ear, because my ear could not be less sympathetic to moaning. Fortunately, my way with words encouraged laughter rather than hate, but I was serious.

Still, however, women seem to roll over to my pod and whisper sour nothings into my ear as though my blonde hair and youthful face make me look remotely interested. Therefore, today I coloured my hair brown and sat in the sun for a few hours, because I will do anything to deflect the nasty comments that I am hearing about fellow women. I do tell these intimidated women straight to take their moans as far away from my aging mind as possible and I say it with a friendly smile plastered on my face. I really don’t mind that I look like Jack Nicholson in One flew over the cuckoo’s nest when I say this.

I often stare at a screen reading reports on the incomprehensible preparing myself for my visit on to the prison units. I am already working my brain very hard not to go home stressed out.

You may think I am a dreamer, because we all know a woman who is similar to Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl who you think is impossible to like, but it is easier for you to compliment someone or say something good about someone rather than say what is wrong with them starting from today.

People will start to feel uplifted by your niceties and good spirits! Trust me. You too will start to feel better about yourself because being negative actually makes you feel worse. I read that once and so I am passing the baton over to you now to be the spirit up-lifter of the work force. The uplifters, I am positive, go further. To where I do not know, but I do know that it is not to the bottom of the mood pile where those with the bitchy thoughts will be. One by one, we can unite and support each other rather than slowly sabotage each other.

Now, how you should deal with the negative nancies:

Yesterday, I drove into work for the first time in a month. As I pulled up to the car park barrier I saw the assistant director getting her coffee and so I gave a polite wave, but then I realised that the barrier was not moving. While innocently holding up a queue of four cars and the a.d watching my problem solving face some sourpuss behind me hooted her horn in traffic rage.

I peered out of the window and asked, “how do I get the barrier to go up? Do I need to press for a ticket?” This sourpuss literally stomped out of her car, sternly informed me that “you swipe your pass like this”, and stormed back to her car like a dinosaur as though I had SERIOUSLY inconvenienced her and then she slammed her car door. Everyone then had the pleasure of watching me humiliate myself further by wheel spinning on the wet surface of the ramp all the way to the top of level 1 in a car that is way more expensive than any of theirs which is clearly also not mine and so I looked like a total twat.

Now, my initial thought was irritation and annoyance at this unfriendly human for being so rude and forcing my foot so heavily on the accelerator. Then I replayed what had just happened in my mind as I parked my car and I almost pissed myself laughing. She’s clearly not a very nice person, I thought, and some epiphany landed within me and I realised that I didn’t have to let the sourpuss piss me off because I simply need not care! This can work with those who feel it is necessary to burden you with their negative comments. You don’t actually have to care!

Now, I sit in the office and every time someone says something negative to me that would otherwise deflate my happy state I secretly ignore them and think about how much I Do. Not. Care! WINNER!

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